Debauchery of the Three Kingdoms
by Abicion
Summary: I get the feeling this isn't completely historically accurate.
1. Chapter 1

Xiao Qiao was sprawled across the turf of the Wei encampment. Half of her sleeping face nestled against the grass while a rope knot kept her wrists firmly tied behind her back. Three figures stood over her prone form: Sima Yi, the Wei kingdom's ruthless tactician, and two Wei soldiers. Just behind them loomed Sima Yi's personal quarters. Narrow streams of candlelight and incense escaped the tent's entrance curtains to meet the night air.

One of the troops spoke first.

"Are you sure you just want one, my lord? We caught both of them."

Sima Yi nodded slowly, rubbing his chin in thought and keeping his eyes fixated on his unconscious captive.

"One will have to do. The binding ceremony is only truly effective when the participants are a single man and woman. I could risk destroying her mind if this isn't done carefully."

He crouched to one knee to brush a few strands of auburn hair away of her face, observing her renowned beauty. The younger Qiao appeared to be in her late teens, making her a valuable chess piece in his plans. The only drawback was her peculiar attire. The embroidered orange and yellow cloth made her vaguely resemble a giant duck, and she had a comical tiger motif sewn onto the rear of her shorts. It looked like something a young boy would wear more than anything. Her taste in fashion would probably take the most work once all of the initial preparations were complete.

Sima Yi shifted his attention toward his men.

"Are you positive this is the stronger of the siblings?"

The other soldier spoke next.

"It would be hard to argue otherwise. Her sister just wanted to pick flowers all day and spent most of the time trying to retreat, but this one was a little firecracker from the moment we sprung the trap. She practically had our scouts at her mercy before one of the crossbowmen knocked her out with a lucky shot."

Sima Yi's eyes narrowed as his mouth formed an anxious grin. If he was going to become involved in a lasting relationship, he was at least going to make the most of it.

"Good. That gives me something to work with."

The first soldier spoke again.

"Should we wake the other one?"

Sima Yi answered quickly, with a threatening tone creeping into his words.

"No, she's our guest and she deserves her rest. Tell the men anyone who mistreats her will pay the price for treason."

He leaned forward, slipping his hands underneath Xiao Qiao's shoulders and thighs to support her nimble frame.

"Now leave us, and make sure no one enters this tent until I allow it. This is a delicate procedure that requires my full concentration."

Both men answered in unison.

"As you command, sir."

They parted for their barracks. Sima Yi carefully lifted his prize from the ground and disappeared into his den.

Several hours passed.

The first rays of dawn reached the campsite. Sima Yi was standing outside the tent, listening to the sound of breakfast and morning drills flowing from the more menial sections of the camp in the distance. He was facing Xiao Qiao, who was rubbing some residual grogginess from her eyes. She now wore something much more appropriate for her rank.

The short dress was made of white silk, lightly dyed pink and trimmed in gold. A darker pink corset held the gown around her waist, a pair of white stalkings covered her legs up to her thighs, and a crown shaped like flower petals adorned the top of her head. She was just finishing tinkering with the ribbon around her neck when Sima Yi complimented her appearance.

"You're very pretty, Xiao Qiao."

A shy blush crossed her cheeks.

"Aww. You don't have to flatter me, my lord."

But it helped. The magic worked best if he gave her all the praise and affection he could provide. It was what kept her happy, what kept her loyal. A fire needed to be constantly fed if you wanted it to remain deadly.

He reached out to brush her hair, tucking a few stray strands behind her ear.

"Do you like your new dress? I feel it's more becoming a lady of the Wei court compared to that childish drab you were wearing when I summoned you here."

She responded with a delighted bob of her head.

"Mmhmm. It's pretty comfortable."

Sima Yi crossed his arms behind his back and methodically continued.

"You're quite the object of attention. Cao Cao was almost going to start a war over you and your older sister, but I convinced him I can use you to prevent an even greater conflict."

Xiao Qiao tilted her head, pondering what he had in store for her.

"What do you need me to do, master?"

"I've been tracking Wu's movements for some time, and I have good reason to believe a man named Zhou Yu will come to your gardens within the next few days to challenge you to marriage. He's Sun Ce's closest tactician."

She straightened her posture and gave him a courteous smile.

"Yeah, I kind of have an open challenge going. I don't want to get stuck with some slouch who can't even beat me in combat. You want me to kill him, right?"

Sima Yi looked favorably upon her quick thinking, but shook his head disapprovingly at her question.

"No. Or at least, not yet. A random assassination would just anger Sun Ce and make things more unstable between the kingdoms. Wu needs to utterly annihilated before Lord Cao Cao can say they're no longer a concern."

His voice dropped into a cold tone while his face took on a more stern expression.

"Tell him nothing concerning your new alignment to Wei. No matter what happens when that rebel fool comes to challenge you, no matter how recklessly he will inevitably fight, I want you to lose."

Xiao Qiao's beaming appearance suddenly faded away. Her heart sank as a look of concern grew in her eyes.

"But Lord Sima Yi, I'm already engaged to..."

Sima Yi placed an index finger over her lips to hush her.

"Don't worry, my precious butterfly. Nothing meaningful will come of the arrangement."

He gave her a encouraging smile to quell the rest of her fears.

"On the day you're to be married, there will be an ample supply of Wei soldiers and Wu defectors hiding in the audience to rescue you."

Xiao Qiao's cheerful demeanor tried to return, but something in her thoughts still left her depressed.

"So you just need me to be there as a distraction? You don't want me to fight for you?"

Sima Yi chuckled lightly out of the corner of his twisting mouth as he shook his head again.

"I would never think so lowly of you. I designed this strategy so you would be the star of the show."

Xiao drifted into curious silence as her commander paced in front of her. He made a final passing inspection as he explained his plan.

"While everyone is still lost in the confusion, Zhou Yu will never expect his adorable little bride to pull a pair of metal fans from her sleeves to claim his head, along with the heads of Sun Ce and all the generals who will be among the wedding guests. The Wu dynasty will collapse under the weight of a single brilliant attack, and Wei will instantly exalt you as a goddess."

He stopped to gently cup his palm underneath her chin, allowing himself to gaze into her sparkling eyes. His scheming expression gave way to a greedy sneer.

"_**My **_goddess."

Xiao Qiao simply nodded along with the plan before peering away in thought.

"Sounds nasty."

Her master changed his voice to a more caring manner as he studied her face.

"Does my strategy repulse you, Lady Xiao Qiao?"

His doubts ended when Xiao Qiao's mouth curled into a half playful, half devious smirk.

"Naw. I don't mind playing dirty once in a while. It keeps things exciting."

The crafty part of her expression disappeared, leaving only an innocent and hopeful smile.

"Once it's finished, will I be able to be your wife, Lord Sima Yi?"

He had already decided on that answer long ago, but that wouldn't stop him from issuing one final test on her dedication.

"Perhaps. You will have certainly proven your value as one of my chief subordinates, but what else might you be able to do for me if we marry?"

Xiao Qiao's smile brightened as she eagerly replied.

"Lead your armies? Cook your dinners? Run your orders between lines? Care for the horses? Bear your heirs? Train the recruits? Spy on the Shu camps? Serve your tea? Entertain the troops with my singing? I'll be glad to help you any way I can."

Sima Yi offered her a look of genuine glee when he revealed his decision.

"I'm sure you'll be suitable in any number of those tasks, Xiao Qiao. We shall become husband and wife once you return from your victory."

Xiao Qiao basked in joy, until a final concern inched into her thoughts. She stared toward her toes as her voice went soft.

"Umm... just one thing..."

Sima Yi was well aware of what was coming next, and he offered her his best supportive tone.

"Yes, darling?"

"What's going to happen to Da Qiao while all of this is happening?"

There were certain things that were so deeply ingrained in the girl's personality they could never truly be changed, but there were always ways around such obstacles.

"I anticipated you would be worried about her. It wouldn't be fair to you if Cao Cao or I robbed you of your poor sister after all the great things you'll accomplish for us."

He paused to produced a small, diamond-shaped flask from his tunic. After holding it in front of his eyes momentarily, he softly pressed it into Xiao Qiao's palms.

"We're going to release her along with you. Give her a few drops of this potion at the first opportunity. It won't be nearly as potent as the bond I've created between the two of us, but it will be more than enough to make her trustworthy."

He continued after she gave glass container a careful glance and tucked it away in her dress.

"Before Zhou Yu arrives, maybe the two of you could develop a tale about how she distastes war and is embarrassed that you're allowing yourself to marry a soldier. Something that would explain why she'll be safely absent from the wedding without raising any eyebrows."

Xiao Qiao answered in total obedience.

"She was always kind of like that to begin with. We'll make sure no one suspects a thing."

Just before he let her go, Sima Yi guided his newest officer into his arms. He sent her on her way with a modest gesture, a short but passionate kiss for good luck. She peacefully closed her eyes before he broke away.

"There's a mare prepared for you in the stables. I'll have Da Qiao sent to you once you're ready to depart."

Xiao Qiao responded with a final nod.

"I'll see you when I get back, Lord Sima Yi!"

She then turned away and happily sprinted toward the horses. Sima Yi watched her shrink into the dawn horizon with a confident and increasingly sinister smile.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt."_

- Sun Tzu

_"Sima Yi is like the Starscream of feudal China."_

- Abicion

* * *

Xiao Qiao knelt before the emperor of Wei with a small saucer in her hands. Court ministers watched her from all sides as she presented her leader with his favorite afternoon delicacy. Her hands shivered ever so slightly, adding to her meek and humble appearance.

"Tea, your highness."

Cao Cao looked at her with a discouraged frown, then sighed and shook his head.

"No, no. That's all wrong."

He leaned forward from his throne so he could reach her narrow shoulders. He spoke instructively as he used his arms to correct her form.

"You shouldn't carry yourself like a rag doll when you're in the throne room. Bow your head like this. Holds your hands out like this. No, put your weight on the other knee. That's better. Now try again."

He was trying to teach Sima Yi's wife an important lesson in nobility, but his anger was only a display he put on for formality's sake. He could never bring himself to actually scold the sweet girl. She had performed a great service for his kingdom, and she was always trying her best to be helpful in his presence, but the lull of peace time seemed to draw out her weaknesses. She undoubtedly made for a better fighter than a handmaid.

One she was properly in place, Xiao Qiao presented the tray a second time with slightly more confidence in her voice.

"Tea, your highness."

Cao Cao nodded and offered her a friendly smile.

"Good. You're a fast learner, Xiao Qiao."

He lifted the saucer from her hands. She raised her head to cheerfully return his praise.

"Thank you, my lord."

One sip was all it took to change history forever.

The entire court froze in a collective gasp. The cup dropped from Cao Cao's mouth and shattered into porcelain dust across the stone floor. The king rolled over in his throne, clutching his chest as the poison coursed through his veins. He glimpsed toward his servant to see her happy expression remained unchanged, effectively turning her graceful smile into an insulting sneer. Rage burned in his eyes as he sputtered.

"Xiao Qiao, what treachery is this?"

The girl stood in silence, but Cao Cao got his answer soon enough. His eyes widened with disbelief when his master tactician stepped into the room as if on cue, staring down at him with the same expression as Xiao Qiao.

"Sima Yi, _you_ put her up to this?"

Sima Yi chuckled lightly as he shook his head. He pulled Xiao Qiao into his arms, gently fondling her hair and kissing her neck.

"I wish I could have that honor, but I'm only responsible for telling her when to strike. I would be lying if I said Xiao Qiao wasn't the one who came up with this clever little charade all on her own."

Cao Cao understood everything. Sima Yi's suggestions for dealing with the Qiao sisters had all been part of a scheme that conspired against him, and now it was too late to do anything about it. He coughed and struggled on all fours as he shouted in response.

"You insane fool, Sima Yi! Can't you see she can't be controlled? Your damned camp whore will be the end of us all!"

Sima Yi left his companion's side only so he could stand in front of her and defend her virtue.

"That's quite enough out of you. I won't have the worthless king of a dead nation insulting my beautiful wife."

His voice became calmer as he continued.

"But if it's any consolation, Xiao Qiao _will_ remain loyal to me. The reason she detests you as much as she adores me is because you only ever wanted her as property; a simple canary you would have kept in a cage and flaunted in front of the other lords of the Three Kingdoms. I, on the other hand, appreciate her for all of her potential and saved her from that fate. I may even dare to say she's the only thing greater than myself."

Cao Cao's final protest erupted from his mouth in the form of a grotesque gurgling sound and a mouthful of blood. Then the king of Wei was dead.

Xiao Qiao approached Sima Yi's side, wrapping her arms lovingly around his elbow. She glimpsed toward Cao Cao's body before curiously tilting her head.

"Is Wei really finished, Master Sima Yi?"

Sima Yi step over Cao Cao and set himself down on the throne. Once he adjusted to his new position, he replied to Xiao Qiao in an assured tone.

"Indeed it is, my dear. Wu died at the Peach Blossom Massacre, and now Wei has died along with this old buffoon. All that's left is to make Shu meet its end at the hands of the newly formed Jin empire."

The sound of a dozen swords being drawn from a dozen sheaths echoed through the royal chambers to contradict his words. Cao Cao's personal guard and some of the nearby ministers had overcome their shock, and now they were preparing to make a last stand in the name of their fallen ruler.

Xiao Qiao shot a scornful glare toward the crowd and pulled her signature bladed fans from her sleeves. Her reputation in battle, combined with the facts she had obviously expected them to draw their weapons and they had nothing left to fight for, was enough to make them stand down. Only seconds after she placed herself in a fighting stance, the court members were lowering their blades and kneeling toward the throne.

Sima Yi calmly waved his hand toward his bodyguard.

"Let them be, Xiao Qiao. They've already surrendered. They deserve to see your merciful side."

She placed her fans back in their hidden scabbards and walked toward her husband's side. The prime minister of Cao Cao's court then approached the throne, cowering more out of fear for his life than respect toward his new leader.

"Sim-... Your highness, how can we serve you?"

Sima Yi gave his first orders without a moment of hesitation. He had already taken weeks to plot out every glorious moment of this day.

"Place Cao Pi and his wife under arrest when they return to the palace grounds. Tell the troops to raise the flags of the Sima clan. Anyone with objections can have their complaints heard on the headman's block. Lady Xiao Qiao will fill my former position as the emperor's chief general for the next few weeks, just until a new candidate is able to prove himself from the ranks."

The prime minister's eyes cautiously wandered toward Xiao Qiao when he bowed in acknowledgment.

"It shall be done, my lord, but... with all due respect, your highness, I'm not sure the men will react kindly to being led by a woman..."

Xiao Qiao nodded in agreement before she hung her head and spoke in a timid voice.

"I know. They probably won't take me seriously if I try to order them around as Xiao Qiao the serving girl."

Her demeanor changed when one of her hands protectively rested over her waist. The bulge on her belly was small enough to be hidden under her dress, but it would grow to a blatant size soon enough. Her words took on a tone of proud authority when she raised her head again.

"But maybe they'll listen to me if I give them orders as Xiao Qiao, vessel of Sima Shi, the first son of Emperor Sima Yi and future commander of the Jin army."

The prime minister followed the path of Xiao Qiao's hand, then blinked in astonishment at her words. He turned slightly toward Sima Yi.

"His majesty has been preparing for this."

Xiao Qiao confirmed his suspicions with a cheerful nod.

"My husband is a pretty smart guy. He never makes his move until he's put all his pieces in the right place."

She couldn't help but giggle softly at her own innuendo.

The prime minister tipped his head to each of his leaders.

"My lord, my lady, your commands shall be followed."

He hurried out of the throne room to convey the new orders to the men. When more servants came to remove the body of the former king, the court remained in relative peace.

And that is the true origin of the Jin Dynasty.


End file.
